Well...

Maybe I jinxed myself with my last post.  We had the growth ultrasound yesterday and that Baby A just isn't growing like they would like.  After long consideration (and even the possibility of delivering yesterday) my Dr.'s have decided to try to get me to 32 weeks.  I knew after the sonographer told me their weights (2lbs 2oz and 3lbs) that things weren't so great.  Baby A only grew 3 oz and Baby B grew 10.  Her 2 vessel cord is most likely the reason.  They want to keep an even closer eye on me and if anything changes in the slightest they will deliver ASAP.  The good news is that blood flow and heart rates have been great (knock on wood!!!)! That is the reason my docs want to postpone delivery a little bit longer. They feel the baby is getting good blood flow and oxygen. So right now we have a delivery date of July 22nd with the knowing that delivery can easily come before that.  I am truly optimistic however that we will make it to that July 22nd date. 

I have always been concerned about that smaller baby.  Now of course I am even more concerned.  I pray that she is born healthy and will thrive after birth.  Of course I wish the same for her sister :).
I know I have been asking for prayers and thank you!  Please pray that the babies are born healthy and have an uneventulf NICU stay.

Speaking of the NICU we got to tour it yesterday which was good timing since we just had received the news.  It was a bit emotional and I didn't at all expect that.  As soon as I saw where the babies would be brought to I started to realize how real all of this is.  That SOON I will have 2 tiny little babies.  So small and helpless that they will have to be in this special place.  It is the neonatal intensive care unit.  My babies will have to stay in the hospital long after I go home.  How on earth am I going to leave my children (who have been inside of my body all these months) here while I go home???  Just how am I going to do this?  Nothing seems harder.  It was terribly difficult to leave Lyla to come here to the hospital but I knew she was okay and I could explain to her that I am always thinking about her.  My little babies will be away from me when they need me the most.  When they have tubes in them or wires on them.  When they feel uncomfortable in anyway.  Of course I will be there as much as I can and so will Bryan.  However, we know it is impossible to be there constantly and I will be healing from major surgery.  Plus we must continue to keep life at home as normal as possible for Lyla's sake.  I do not look forward to the first time I walk out of the hospital without my babies in tow.   Yes I know they will have the best care, yes I know this will not last forever, yes I know this is ultimately the best thing for them.  I know all of this.  I can even see all the positives.  I will have a better potentially more restful recovery after my c-section.  They will come home on a schedule.  Our family will have some more time to prepare for their homecoming.  All of that is great but I can't stop thinking about how much I want them to be home with us right away.

As long as our babies are born healthy and thrive.  This all of my above mentioned thoughts are secondary.  I know that in my heart.  I guess it is my selfish thinking of wanting things the way I want them.  Well if this pregnancy has taught me ANYTHING is that it is just impossible for that to be.  I must learn to go with change, to embrace experiences that do not meet my expectations.  As much as I would have wanted this to be a "normal" pregnancy if it was I would have missed out on a lot.  I have learned so much about the people in my life, people in general and about love.  I have made new friends and formed new relationships. All of this adds to making me a better person (I hope).  When we first learned about the twins and that they were monoamniotic my Dr. offered to terminate the pregnancy.  My goodness, what if I would have taken that route?  It may have been easier on me in some ways but I would not have had the opportunity to meet 2 more beautiful souls!  I can not wait to meet them and I am so honored to be a part of their unique entry into this world!

God Bless!
Claudette