NICU LIFE

Today was the day they were supposed to be born.  I wonder how things would have been different it I had made it to 32 weeks.  They are doing very well but Brielle especially has had some rough patches. I wish they were able to stay in my womb just that little bit longer.  That being said I know in my heart that this is what God had intented for them and us.

We are so blessed. They are just so beautiful and perfect.  I was able to hold Brielle today for the first time! She slept so contently on my chest and I could have held her forever.  Bryan took her temp and changed her diaper. He was nervous and it was cute watching him. It is funny the first time you change their diaper because they are smaller than some of Lyla's dolls! The teeny tiny diapers are even a bit big for them!

Brielle and Corinne already seem to have very different dispositions. Brielle is so "go with the flow".  She will let the nurses do whatever they need to and doesn't fuss.  Corinne on the other hand is a bit feisty. She even has a dramatic cry.  It's funny because they were that way in my womb. Corinne was the more active one.



I am excited to start decorating the nursery.  I know we are still many weeks from brining them home but it makes me happy to think about that day.  I wonder what life with twins will be like. I remember how tiring it was when Lyla was a newborn.  I can only imagine how it will be with twins :). It is all good though.  If you were to have told me 5 years ago that I would one day have 3 daughters, twins and big sister I am not sure I would have believed you.  There was a time where Bryan and I had given up on trying for a biological baby.  We were ready for adoption.  God had other plans.  Thank you God! Although these roads have been difficult at times I wouldn't have ever taken another one. I couldn't imagine not having this as my destination!  3 beautiful daughters! Wow!

I keep hearing about all the prayers that are coming our way from those we know and even from people we have never met.  We couldn't be more appreciative.  God has heard your prayers and I am so grateful!  The babies will grow up knowing that so many people sent positive thoughts and prayers their way for their health and well being!

Welcome Babies!

Brielle Maria 2lbs 12oz and Corinne Ivy 2lbs 7.9oz were born on Wednesday July 13th 2011at 8am and 8:01am.

They are both stable and doing well for their age. They are both on CPAP to assist with their breathing. Brielle needed some blood as she was a little anemic. Both got surfactant for their lungs. IV in their cord insertion.  Tube to their bellies for food which they will get a tiny bit of breast milk today (7/14).

Pictures soon to follow.

Well...

Maybe I jinxed myself with my last post.  We had the growth ultrasound yesterday and that Baby A just isn't growing like they would like.  After long consideration (and even the possibility of delivering yesterday) my Dr.'s have decided to try to get me to 32 weeks.  I knew after the sonographer told me their weights (2lbs 2oz and 3lbs) that things weren't so great.  Baby A only grew 3 oz and Baby B grew 10.  Her 2 vessel cord is most likely the reason.  They want to keep an even closer eye on me and if anything changes in the slightest they will deliver ASAP.  The good news is that blood flow and heart rates have been great (knock on wood!!!)! That is the reason my docs want to postpone delivery a little bit longer. They feel the baby is getting good blood flow and oxygen. So right now we have a delivery date of July 22nd with the knowing that delivery can easily come before that.  I am truly optimistic however that we will make it to that July 22nd date. 

I have always been concerned about that smaller baby.  Now of course I am even more concerned.  I pray that she is born healthy and will thrive after birth.  Of course I wish the same for her sister :).
I know I have been asking for prayers and thank you!  Please pray that the babies are born healthy and have an uneventulf NICU stay.

Speaking of the NICU we got to tour it yesterday which was good timing since we just had received the news.  It was a bit emotional and I didn't at all expect that.  As soon as I saw where the babies would be brought to I started to realize how real all of this is.  That SOON I will have 2 tiny little babies.  So small and helpless that they will have to be in this special place.  It is the neonatal intensive care unit.  My babies will have to stay in the hospital long after I go home.  How on earth am I going to leave my children (who have been inside of my body all these months) here while I go home???  Just how am I going to do this?  Nothing seems harder.  It was terribly difficult to leave Lyla to come here to the hospital but I knew she was okay and I could explain to her that I am always thinking about her.  My little babies will be away from me when they need me the most.  When they have tubes in them or wires on them.  When they feel uncomfortable in anyway.  Of course I will be there as much as I can and so will Bryan.  However, we know it is impossible to be there constantly and I will be healing from major surgery.  Plus we must continue to keep life at home as normal as possible for Lyla's sake.  I do not look forward to the first time I walk out of the hospital without my babies in tow.   Yes I know they will have the best care, yes I know this will not last forever, yes I know this is ultimately the best thing for them.  I know all of this.  I can even see all the positives.  I will have a better potentially more restful recovery after my c-section.  They will come home on a schedule.  Our family will have some more time to prepare for their homecoming.  All of that is great but I can't stop thinking about how much I want them to be home with us right away.

As long as our babies are born healthy and thrive.  This all of my above mentioned thoughts are secondary.  I know that in my heart.  I guess it is my selfish thinking of wanting things the way I want them.  Well if this pregnancy has taught me ANYTHING is that it is just impossible for that to be.  I must learn to go with change, to embrace experiences that do not meet my expectations.  As much as I would have wanted this to be a "normal" pregnancy if it was I would have missed out on a lot.  I have learned so much about the people in my life, people in general and about love.  I have made new friends and formed new relationships. All of this adds to making me a better person (I hope).  When we first learned about the twins and that they were monoamniotic my Dr. offered to terminate the pregnancy.  My goodness, what if I would have taken that route?  It may have been easier on me in some ways but I would not have had the opportunity to meet 2 more beautiful souls!  I can not wait to meet them and I am so honored to be a part of their unique entry into this world!

God Bless!
Claudette

We are getting closer!

As I sit here and think back 17 weeks it really feels like just yesterday. It seems like just yesterday Bryan and I sat in the ultrasound room and received the scary and exciting news.  I remember coming home from our appointment and sitting down in Lyla's playroom and telling Bryan's mom about this crazy situation.  I remember her saying "you have to wait 2 more weeks to find out?" (at the time we were waiting to confirm they were momo's).  At the time 2 weeks seemed like an eternity.  After that we lived in 2 week increments.  We saw the Dr. for an ultrasound every 2 weeks.  I would speak in terms like "if I make it to xx weeks" or "if I am blessed to make it that far". Well, here I am.  I am THAT far along.  I am here in the hospital and I passed my first milestone.  This Friday I will be 30 weeks and that is another nice number.  I will be out of the twenties and it just sounds nicer to me :).  This is becoming more and more real.  I no longer think about the scary what ifs of not bringing one or both of the babies home.  I now think about what it will be like when they are are born and how their NICU experience will be.  So I realize I have graduated in my confidence and that feels good.  So that relief that I referred to in my first post, that I was so desperately looking for... I think I am finally finding it!  As a mother though I will not rest well until I know they are healthy and safe. 

Mini updates:
~My contractions are under control right now and still painless so that is good.
~I forgot to say in my last post that I passed my 3 hour glucose test so no Gestational Diabetes for me! Yay!
~ I weighed myself today... hahaha I have officially passed the weight I gained my entire pregnancy with Lyla.  So 8+ weeks earlier I am 6lbs heavier.  I wonder if I did make it full term how much weight I would gain.  It is nice and fun to see! I don't mind gaining the weight one bit.  It is encouraging to think that maybe the babies are growing bigger.  I certainly don't look huge although I can feel I am carrying around that extra weight.  Sometimes it is hard for me to get around.  I told my friend the other day that I feel like a log with feet! lol
~Friday Bryan and I get to tour the NICU.  I am strangely excited about it.  I hope I leave there feeling encouraged rather than discouraged.
~ I had an ultrasound today and all looked good and boring! 

I have another ultrasound on Friday and they will check the growth.  If the babies (especially the smaller one) are growing well then we have a decision to make.  I will be nearing the 32 week mark and we must soon decide if we will deliver at 32 weeks or closer to 34 weeks.  Originally I was really wanting to wait to 34 weeks.  Now, I think I just want then out and safe even if that means a 32 week delivery. 

So, prayers prayers prayers please that Friday's appointment is uneventful and joyful.  Although that will make our 32-34 week delivery a harder decision it is one I welcome.  I don't ever want to be in a position where things are bad and we must deliver sooner rather than later.

Happy 4th of July

I am hoping everyone is enjoying their 4th of July weekend.

I am having a rough weekend emotionally. I was contracting a lot and meds weren't working so at midnight last night (well this morning I guess :) ) they decided to put in an IV.  I was not happy to say the least. I guess it helped because they have calmed down but I imagine they will return.  My doctors and nurses keep telling me this was bound to happen because my uterus is already double the size it would be if I were pregnant with just one. The IV is capped today but they left the needle in my hand.  That is the worst part. It is so uncomforable I just want to rip it out.

I realize that not only have I sacrificed my home life for these babies but I gave up my body too.  I surrendered it to them the day I became pregnant.  Why it took this long for it to all sink in I have no idea :). Mother's day isn't a big enough day to honor the mother's in our lives. haha... I love these babies so much though that I would do this for a year if I had to.  Having even the slightest opportunity to give life to these babies is worth every uncomfortable day.  The days aren't all that uncomfortable though.  I have good days too.  I smile every time they kick me (even when they hurt me!) I smile when I think of  2 little smiling faces looking back at me one day.  I smile when I think of Bryan sitting at the little table in the playroom having a tea party with 3 little girls.  I smile everytime I get to see their little faces on the ultrasounds.  I smile everytime I see Lyla come through my hosptial room door and say "MOMMY!!". 

The nurses here are great.  They all do their best to make me feel comfortable, and to help me through this emotional rollercoaster of a pregnancy.  God has lead me to a great group of people here.  Bryan and I feel so blessed.

The years before I had Lyla were my hardest years.  They were MUCH MUCH more difficult than this pregnancy has been on me emotionally.  There was a time where I thought I would never get the opportunity to carry a baby in my womb.  That I would never get to feel a baby kick inside me.  So for that I am most grateful.  Lyla has been the greatest gift Bryan and I could have ever asked for.  The greatest gift!  Now, God is going to bless us with 2 more gifts!  We could not feel anymore blessed and loved!

Thank you all for your continued love and prayers. I accept it and send it back to you ten fold!
Claudette

Here are some pics we took yesterday